"Into The Undergraduate World of Psychology BD_Y1S1: Uncertainty and Overwhelm "

A non-academic summary of my first semester in university as an undergraduate student.

"...the beauty of the red-brick buildings thereof was just inspiring," 

my favorite line from my personal statement for my university application. To me, this line reflects how naive I was, for I did not know what was coming. 

I liked to think that I was ready to embrace the unknowns during my time as an undergraduate... In my secondary school and pre-university years, I made much effort to get information on psychology studies; watching YouTube videos, listening to podcasts, attending offline/ online workshops, texting seniors... you name it, I did everything I could to make myself "feel prepared" for this degree. I feel a bit embarrassed to say this, but I had my whole academic journey planned out, from A to Z, how I wanted to do postgraduate studies and all that... it was kind of subtle, but I believed in it. These "additional homework" and searching before entering university honestly helped grow my curiosity towards the world of psychology, which eventually became my driving forces towards academic and extra-curricular excellence.

When I entered pre-university, the longing sensation (憧憬）became stronger and stronger, for I would pass by the red-brick buildings of Faculty of Social Sciences and Humanities on my (almost daily) trips from the center of foundation studies to my hostel. As of today, I still keep the video clips and photos of the faculty buildings I have captured on the bus. These moments simply triggered my increased desire to pursue psychology at that very place.

The Chaotic Week of Orientation: "The Ideal Student"

I only got 2 hours of sleep for three consecutive days during orientation week. The most chaotic part was not the sleep deprivation, but the course registrations, classroom searching and bus riding which had to happen simultaneously despite everyone falling sick.  On that very week, we were encouraged to get active in matters out of studies, at the same time catch up with our academics. 

me w/ the microplanning
(no, I failed to follow this routine)

It was all dreamy: being bombarded with loads of college cheers, success stories and how to be "the ideal student who passed with flying colors, created his million-dollar business with his own savings, won several championships internationally..." and all these were accomplished during the course of his bachelor's degree. Phew, that sounded real hectic, I mean props to these alumnus for working so hard and excelling in at such a young age; and YES it did somehow inspire the freshmen to "work hard in becoming a holistic individual". At one point, the compilation of stories led to an overly generalized conclusion of mine: so I have to get a side income, transform into a physically active student, join as many relevant clubs as I can and also study like I've lost my mind.

And that was when the nonsense of me worrying about everything started.

What have I got myself into?: Transitioning

There are three general statements about Psychology, according to Kalat (2022),

1. It depends.

2. Progress depends on good measurement.

3. Confidence in the conclusions should depend on the strength of evidence.

I had a good taste of the first statement during my first semester of studies. There were no absolute definitions of certain terms in psychology. That was fine, hardly anything is true about behavior of people all the time. Context is pretty crucial. 

My university offers psychology as a course of social sciences. Honestly, I could not recall what had I expected previously, I loved biology, I wanted exposure to research projects, I kept in mind to catch up with statistics. I did everything that I could have thought of to make myself feel ready to transition into social sciences. But you know it, no one will be "ready enough", no matter how much you think you are equipped or quote-on-quote ready, there will still be some things that you did not realize you'd have to deal with.

Of course, people were telling me it would be easier to venture into social science with pure science background. I beg to differ, it was difficult for me. The first semester of my first year here is a stage of tough transition. Firstly, my academic timetable seemed oddly "empty" for me: lectures for my core courses were three hours long, yet there were no tutorial or laboratory sessions. You might be judging me right now hor, like "you're supposed to be independant in uni" or what my aunties would say "you expect your  to spoonfeed you ah? Hallo you not kindergarten kid liao!" 

Ok maybe you're right, perhaps I'm wrong. It's just this feeling that I am on my own and I am still lost on how to guide myself. Mainly because I got used to this intensive practising and drilling of academic topics with loads of homework, tutorials and exams after exams. How do I know if I'm doing "enough practices"? How do I know if my stream of thoughts are "correct"? How do I know if I have read enough? How do I connect the dots between all these theories?

Oh ya, aside from the fact that we have adequate assignments and quizzes, I forgot to mention there were NO EXAMS for the first semester. That sounded insane to me, for I was craving for feedback constantly, but all I could do was make my best effort in completing my assignments, read extra materials, study for my quizzes and pray for the best. I eagerly hoped for comments from my lecturers or even peers, that was the only way I could "sort of" get the hang of it in this course which includes a lot of subjectivity. (meaning I would put a lot of thoughts into my work, but at the same time feel uncertain if I'm doing it "right")

What happens after I graduate?

Career and academic advancements----is it too early to be thinking about this? Am I tying myself to a certain field with a dead knot.

Imagine being 22 or 23-year-old graduate being out there working. The thought alone scares me a lot. That's when I face the reality of society, realize the cost of living, and duh financially supporting myself.

Remember what I said about the orientation week, the picture of an "ideal student" turned into a picture of an "ideal candidate of employment". I had (still have) the urge to create a LinkedIn, find a job attachment during my semester break, and decide on my thesis title. And undoubtedly, I achieved none of that, cause I had other private concerns on them.

It was kind of a conflicting for semester 1 me; where I aspire to be pursue Clinical Psychology, but then I didn't want to tie myself with that throughout my bachelor's program. BUT at the same time, if I did not have this aspiration, which has been my core motivation since high school years, I wondered how would I continue, how do I further discover my interest in psychology?

Yes I was doubting myself, more like... I was doubting my ambition. Am I allowed to dream? I don't have the basics of everything, I don't know everything, and I don't know if I am at the position to talk about wanting to pursue "Clinical Psychology". It's competitive, it requires a higher level of understanding, a slightly more objective approach, great passion, amazing academic results and relevant working experience, in order to be CONSIDERED as a master candidate.

Extracurricular activities: I'm Interested in Everything

OK maybe not everything, but every time I see some club, I'm like I should join that, it looks fun, it could be a great plus point to my resume. It correlates to the point of being an "ideal candidate of employment", where I overambitiously want every single plus point on my portfolio, which is unrealistic.

I joined quite a few clubs, namely:

1. Mandarin Language: useful if I want to get into the edu sector (I volunteered as a tutor)
2. English Debate : form better arguments
3. Mandarin Books: get back in touch with books of my native language
4. Psychology Club: platform to form network and connections 

Everyone whom I knew of asked if I was doing ok. I was stressed out everyday, I was always too tired to make a facial expression. In short, I was overwhelming myself with all these tasks and information I forced myself to process. 

A Session with the Mentor: Bite-Sized Everything

Week 6, I decided to meet my mentor, I shared my problems with her, which made me grasp what I was struggling with at that time. She listened attentively and gave me much advice regarding my feelings of overwhelm and uncertainty. 

I started to write down my feelings and small goals in the planner, instead of blasting myself with the never-ending heavy workload that I, myself knew it was impossible to accomplish without sleep deprivation. I learnt to take things in bite sizes, refocus on what my main outcome for these three years: absorb knowledge and experience without burdening myself too much. 

Besides, my mentor also gave some tips on how to prioritize my time and energy, which was really essential for me, who was greedy saying yes to everything offered to me. 

notes I wrote after my
mentor-mentee session

After the session, I found myself reading more materials on psychology. Eventually, the library became a safe place for me, whenever I felt overwhelmed with my work, I'd find myself walking in between the bookshelves, searching for books for myself to read. Books have become my short escape from the reality and I truly enjoy them. I like every process of the escape: scanning my card at the library baffle gate, looking for a cozy spot, reading the short descriptions on the book searching engine, spending probably too much time searching for the actual books, self-checking out the books to borrow them, sticking the borrow slip into my planner. 

One thing I felt happier about, was that I hung out with my friends more this semester, compared to during my foundation studies. Realistically speaking, sometimes I do still feell guilty about going out once on a while, but I've come to understand my mind and body needed that day out of campus. And sometimes it's OK to not have everything in your planner accomplished, and it's OK to have some spontaneous fun.

And for my matters outside of academics, I celebrated every work I have done. Be it my "students" pronuncing a word correctly, submitting a meeting minute, presenting my arguments within the time limit. Cherishing these small yet meaningful moments captivated me to keep doing what I do.

Take things slowly. Breathe.

Metaphoric Card Workshop: Insights from the Seniors

Me in my eyes
vs Me in your eyes

Week 7, registering for the workshop during one of the most hectic week I thought I couldn't handle---- I did not regret this decision. In fact, I would regret if I did not make the decision to join the workshop.

It was a free workshop, introducing us to a type of projective therapy method. The cards are subjective, and it is up to us to tell our own perception and story. Since I was grouped with several seniors and peers, I found the session super insightful.

I felt relatable, and that the seniors felt the same emotions and uncertainties during their first year as well. It was good to know that we share the same struggles and doubts, whether it is regarding the subjectivity of the course or feeling lost during their first semester.

Past, Present, Future.

Their experiences made me look forward to diving deeper into the other core subjects in the following semesters, and once again I was excited and positive to know how much I would grow when I reach their age. I developed a firmer stand on Clinical Psychology, concomitantly open to other subdisciplines and focus on absorbing as much as I can during my undergraduate years. The seniors' stories especially, made me dare to dream.

Thank you BD_Y1S1

I hope this blog doesn't seem all negative, because things got much better after week 7. I had more excursions, I was more motivated to study and complete club tasks, I won some competition matches, I learned a new language, I did so many things. Although my pointer wasn't as great as what I have achieved during foundation times, I enjoyed the packed schedules and sense of fulfillment; and frankly I'm glad I've experienced the "unpreparedness", overwhelm, uncertainty and anxiety at the start of the semester. I consider it a necessary thought process and character development for me.

Hope to share what I've learned during my classes here, if time permits. 

I wish you well :>